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Home Routines that Benefit All

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all right good morning thank you so much for being here I'm Jasmine basilius I'm the director of curriculum and instruction for the Fruitvale school district and I'm very happy to welcome all of you thank you for making the time and I'm very happy to welcome kimbre Kim Breen is a wealth of knowledge I've never not learned so much from her every single time I hear her and she's a former school psychologist school counselor and she's worked all over the country with the Swift Center and change for schools I just love her message I love how much she loves people she supports all people she's an advocate for everyone children parents families schools and I think we're going to learn a lot they said thank you Kim for being here thank you all of you for making the time to be with us today so we thank you so much for that Jasmine I just want to know it's possible there could be a little lags so Jasmine if that starts to happen yeah I'm here in Chicago sometimes the weather isn't great you can just come on camera and let me know if it seems Frozen or pause and if everyone just hang with us it will only take a few seconds usually to work through that so hopefully it'll be good so that Jasmine Jasmine said behind the scenes to help you in the chat box so please don't hesitate to talk to her or talk to each other and all throughout the session I'll be asking you to reflect a bit and then maybe share and so I'll be peeking in on that chat box well and a jazz and set him Kim brain I love this work and there's a couple of links in here and when you get the actual PowerPoint which will also be posted with the recording you're welcome to come back and check out the home and commute PBS network that's positive behavior support and then also resilience now for parents are those are two groups I'm part of that have free resources that you might find beneficial especially if you are kind of connect with the Carol I'm sharing here today so we're going to have you reflect a bit today and think about how you can apply some of what schools often do at home to bring him out some improve at home and so many people think of these strategies for a long time they they only talked school people had to do them all but they're really simple strategies that anyone can be taught how to use and so we hope that you can also get same benefit other the classroom might get by using two-way simple strategies around improving routine and of course the ultimate goal is to reduce stress and challenges and really to improve quality of life for everyone so I'd appreciate everyone making the time to be here today and I appreciate your time watching this if you're joining us later and look at the recording Jasmine and I and a district wish you all well we know these are really challenging times for so many reasons aha please reach out to others let people know if you need help talk about your feelings talk with your kids it's okay to feel whatever you're feeling right now and I'll we just hope that you taking care of yourselves and helping to take care of each other and I hope that this session will help during it a sort of challenging time so this work really is about quality of life this is my son here this has taken a year or two ago in the Santa Barbara area and so we were doing a lot of traveling off for a long time I work around the country we live here in Chicago my son has autism and saw in the beginning we weren't sure how that was going to work to have him on the road so often we homeschool so that he can travel my husband and son can travel with me and it went really really well we were very very great to have such smooth travels and part of that was because we use some of the strategies we're going to talk about here today so I teach schools had to do work some of that work is referred to as positive behavior support and then I use that as well at home, and I've been just very grateful to be able to get a good quality of life for our family in large part because of some of these kind of strategies will be talked about here today so if you're just do if you joined after the very beginning opening I'll please go ahead and try to find your chat box if you see the bottom of the screen you have like a little bubble or a Nikon assist go ahead and click on that and maybe everyone practice real quick try to find the chat box and just say Hello send a message to all panelist and all attendees or it might say everyone go ahead and click on that and send a message and this will be the way that you can enter check with me and the Jasmine and with each other also thank you I see some good mornings coming in some hellos this way this is your way to communicate with us we're sorry you can't have audio or camera on because we want to be able to grab a nice clean recording so this can be posted and shared with others but please do let Jasmine know who's our district lead who's here I'll let her know how else we can help and support you in this work and I hope that you can connect with with all of us through the chat box today so the first thing I'd like you to do and I'll ask you if you're comfortable sharing in the chat box is to just reflect on what times of day it could be activities could be routines do you feel like you know your household you or your child or children struggle the most with so which routines are the most challenging and then you're also Walgreens share and just kind of reflect which routines go the most smoothly and so you're welcome to just reflect on your own but you also can share in the chat box and if you're watching the recording you can press pause here and reflect and so it's something that I really hope you continue to think about after you leave this one hour session and both Reflections are really important so one you know what what are those hard parts of the day hey that that might lead to the rest of the day being challenging race with the morning is hard it really can impact the rest of our day if before bed is stressful it can impact your sleep which can impact the rest of the night stay so even if it's just one part of the day that's challenging sometimes it has a pretty big impact and also if you reflect on that the routines are activities or times a day for you your children and your family that are going smoothly you might be able to find some of your own tips in bedded there so you know what's different about the routines that are smooth from the routines that are not are there different people who are involved with people who are in charge are the directions given given differently have the young people had more practice with those routines so please just continue to reflect on this in during our session after thank you for those of you who have been sharing morning time is is the winner right now has the most challenging time and then homework time for sure that both of those make Addison's and so keep that in mind as we go throughout our session all right I do these little thank you pictures and I hope it just lets you kind of relax for a moment I'm going to take a pic sure because those are my mother's cats and I'm going to send her the text and let her know that we were sending her cat some love so those little brain great bakes are just there to help you make me smile brass get a little stretching so we'll do a few of those throughout our time all right so the topics were going to cover today we're going to do a pretty deep reflection for you on your current challenging routines and you don't have to share this with the rest of the so this is just you privately reflecting taking your own notes and then throughout time I might give you a few opportunities where if you want to share bits in the chat box you can and then we're going to go deeper and say okay what are the times a day Chili's routines that we could identify and maybe work on and then I'll share some strategies for improving routines that can basically go across the border to any any age of people so this is for any age this is for you know any any family members or sometimes it's evening routine between parents that are struck again on that are kind of challenging so I would hope that you can apply in lots of ways and then we'll and on 1 self care tip as it relates to routine so we try to do at least one self-care except in each of these webinars all right so I'm going to ask you to do a little bit of work with me so if you could take out a piece of paper and I you can do this in lots of different ways but basically what you're going to do is take a piece of paper I'll draw quick little model for you and you're going to draw two lines which equals three columns so if you see here I just took a small piece of paper I do two lines and that gave me three columns 123 so if you can try to draw two lines on a piece of paper I will give you three columns and in the very first column we're going to title that problem behavior and you could call it challenges but I think it's going to be easier when a problem behavior for now so we're just going to label the First Column as problem behaviors and so then right now but I'd like you to do is brainstorm a list no one has to see this okay so when you're done you can do whatever you want with it brainstorm a list all the problem behavior is that you struggle with in your home mostly probably with your children so this all the things that young people are doing that you don't want them to do so it could be you know why and don't say where and when just say the behavior so whining complaining arguing fighting with siblings talking back being disrespectful not completing their work not doing what they're supposed to do doing their chores in a sort of halfway way sleeping too late staying up too late having too much screen time so go ahead and try to list as many challenging behaviors as you can in that First Column and then we're all going to move together to the next slide I have a timer here so you see a green timer moving go ahead and list as many challenges as you can it's okay if it's different children if some children do certain things and other children do other things all together on one column glad I'm not going to let this time or dang cuz I didn't I didn't set it right on time like I that have self thank you for listening as many challenging behaviors as you can in the first column and now we're going to go to the second column so and you can come back to finish this activity so it's okay if you don't you know if you keep thinking of new things we hope you can continue to add sew in the second column title that where and when and so basically we're trying to get at is the activities times a day is in routines when those problems occur so for every item you were in the first title it where and when and then for every item in the first column in the second column list where when What routine or time of day that that thing and I'm going to start a timer and thank you I see some folks already giving some directions and strategies in the chat box thank you for that that's great we're going to actually speak about that exactly about how to build and some good brakes so what you're doing is if you wrote in the first cam fights with siblings in the second column you're going to right where and when that happens and try not to say everywhere you and you can say during car rides during homework time sharing the bathroom at bedtime at mealtime right so for all the challenging behaviors in the first column you're going to last where and when those things happen in the second column sorry hopefully you got at least a few down whenever you can come back and keep working on this and we hope you had a few down and we'll take a break together here in just a moment but now in the third column I'd like you to try to write in this is the tricky one the opposite of the behaviors that were in the first column so what we mean by Adina we'll talk more about what we mean by this but right now you know if you wrote running in the First Column you would write walking in the third column if in the First Column you are arguing with siblings you in the third, you might say getting along with siblings or sharing with Sybil what are talking with siblings are supporting caring for siblings so you're trying to find basically what you want the young people to be doing instead so first come are the challenges or behavior problems 3rd column when we want them to do instead we want them to wake up on time we want them to get out of bed and say good morning we want them to be quick in the bathroom we want them to do the work that they got for you know for school work assigned etcetera I'll set a timer and when you want to try to do is not trying not to just say don't or no so you know instead saying don't run it's walk instead of saying don't fight it get along or communicate nicely C we want to say what we want them to do in this third column instead of the nose and don'ts give folks a couple more seconds basically what you're doing here is your getting your own you're on meat to work on so I'm going to apply some to give you some strategies in a moment but I want this to be meaningful for you all of your homes are different and so you have now you know the ingredients and I'm going to maybe walk you through the recipe of how to use your unique ingredients to create the the home and routines that you would would more prefer it to be like so everyone here has probably different challenges different routines and different behaviors you want to see and now because you have your own unique list I can talk with some strategies and you can apply them to your own unique last so say thank you I showed you my son I showed you my mother's cats and now this is Sal areas this is his dog so if you know style areas from kcsos on it picture and send it to him to all right if you have it as an animal or human in your life will you think it's adorable I'll you're welcome to share them with me to Okay so we're going to start to identify the routines that we want to work on and so it's important whenever we take on any kind of improvement process whatever trying to get healthier or we're trying to update our home you know improve our come physically or work on things with our family that we don't overwhelm our cells so you don't like the malish the whole house and then start right even say when you're cleaning you know many people with a clean one room at a time and so it's not too overwhelming so I would love it if you would look at that second column and choose or Circle indicate in some way the routine or activities or times a day you feel you have the most influence over so for example if there's a babysitter at some point in the day and there's problems are in that time maybe don't choose that time first we want you first practice with the routines that you knew you had the most likelihood of being able to impact right away if your partner does bedtime a bedtime to problem don't choose bedtime choose the morning routine if that's what's in under your control you're going to try to choose the routines that you're my husband I caught on duty like who's on duty with my son at different times of the day and so choose the ones you the most influence over and then within the list of the of the routines are the times of day that you had the most influence over try to zoom in on taking just one or two or three of those that we're going to try to Folk send first for these next few strategies I'll share all right so you some of you might just be thinking I if I could just shoot me to improve this one routine things would be better and then you're in you're already on your way right now because you've already Zion for some of you you might already be coming up with your own ideas I had to improve things cuz sometimes just seeing the challenges listed and the where and when is occurring that kind of helps get us unstuck sometimes and so is it problem solving practice when something's bothering you write it down and let yourself go to see the list back so you're welcome to share anything in that second column some of you already said you know morning routine homework route but you're welcome to type into the chat box if you'd like and actually earlier I told you to do anything with this paper you want but I do know that you might want to keep this paper for our webinar 3rd webinar Tuesday cuz we're going to come back to those problem behaviors again in our third webinar so you're welcome to type in this chat box if you'd like and share anything you're also welcome to catch up on I know it's into just take a little breather so these are this is my family my husband's the banana I was Jane Goodall in that picture and my son was a monkey I Jane Goodall work with gorillas so it wasn't quite accurate but I couldn't find a baby gorilla costume so my phone was one in that first picture and he last year he was 11 in the second picture so 10 years for Halloween so course I'm staring at cuz I wish you all a Happy Halloween in whatever way you can make the most of it there's all kinds of ideas online I've seen people saying they're going to trick-or-treat in their own house they're going to go through all their old costumes and just be still and try on costumes so any which way that we can make it fun and happy cuz we know there could be a lot of disappointed young people this year so now you've chosen your scenes from the second column now what I like you to do is look at your third column and circle or indicate the Opposites of those behaviors in the third column which are Yuri and appropriate behaviors are opposite Circle the ones line up with the items you chose from the second column so for some of you you might want to start riding on a fresh part of the paper if you want so you might be like oh I chose morning routine and homework and the things I've written on the third column morning hurricane I chose wake up in the pendant Lee say good morning you know another words don't be too cranky in the morning independently get your own breakfast by those were things that I wanted my young people to do attach to morning for homework it was take your own independent short breaks like stand up and stretch do some push-ups or Jumping Jacks and let those be what we do instead of whining and instead of sitting there I have a 9 on my refrigerator it says it's a match it's amazing how long it can take to accomplish something you're not working on that's for all the procrastinators all the procrastination just like in pain from homework but they're not working on it so it's not getting done any faster so you're you're choosing a routines and then you're choosing in the third column with those opposite behaviors were alright so that's what you're looking at now all right and so now I want to show you what you can start to do with this information so in this example this is what we call a home Behavior major and you could but you can really call it a routine Matrix so we typically refer to these as Behavior Matrix he's at school and other places but you could also referred to as a routine Matrix CC in this example on the top the family took the times of day that were challenged and getting up in the morning going to school homework time Neal time getting ready for bed and then under each of those routines those are the things in your second column they start to write what they want the children to do in those times that the items from your third column so now you can expand a little further so for some of you who are right on top of it you might take a fresh piece of paper and start today I like a matrix and you would put your routines on top and underneath you would start to write the behaviors that you expect now there's lots of other ways to do this but I'm going to tell you why we recommend looking at it this way a bit of course you can make any kind of less that feels right to you so you know you see here getting ready for bed under manners count they have end the day with nice words and thoughts now you know some of these are real some of these are things that are non-negotiable that children have to do some of them are suggestions for a better quality of life and so there are all kinds of things that you probably want your children to do but you may remind them every day of these things and sometimes they really they they're important right so like for my son he has a little problem with some tightness in his legs so weak that Pat him stretch he there certain does he does every night and every morning and he doesn't really like it and he'll often you know what kind of wine a little bit while he does it and so you know I just remind him you know what is it you know a pain is unavoidable but suffering is optional and so you can whine and suffer through it or you can try to really feel the stretch and tell yourself I'm fixing my legs and helping my legs so he has to stretch every morning and every night, that is not smooth child has to do right and you might but you might find that Harkins might feel better if we did work in some breathing or some stretching in the morning maybe when they got out that might help their mood some of you might have your young people say word of gratitude so you might want them to pray before bed or prayer saved gratitude in the morning or do a moment of mindfulness whatever it is for your family and so those are the kinds of things you can write in here and they're not just the rules there are so as parents your suggestions or recommendations on how to have a better day so on the side here you see the word home spelled out and so it's the things they can do to help out those are all in that first row so you know putting dirty clothes away is a way they can help out making your own bed is way they can help out the always on your own behavior you might think of that as being like responsible so to be responsible and unit clean up after yourself all you going to complete your work on time and then manners count some of you might think of that has the word respectful they're going to ask politely for help use your napkin etcetera so the reason we look at this kind of Matrix is so that we can break down what we want them to do aligned with weed cause some kind of expectations some broader home expectations what's important when it were the most important things to you and your family so for us be safe is very important my autism affects everyone very different name for my son he often will not be focused and so he can trip and fall and he can drop things and so being safe as we are being focus is part of being safe and being kind is very important to us so you can be mad that's okay to be mad but how do you express your anger in a way that still kind to the people you love so every household can have their own thing at the bottom here you'll see a link to site called the association for positive behavior support and this is the section of that website for family so you can get more information on the kinds of things I'm sharing with you here today so I want to show you an example from a school so we just looked at a home Behavior Matrix or a routine Matrix now this is an example for young children at school in so see they have respectful responsible and safe on the side so you can choose any kind of broad expectations that you want for your home your yours might be these three they might be be kind like us they might be be inclusive they might be cooperative what are the things that are important you know grateful what are the things that are the most important in your household that's what you would put on the side and then at the very top this is what we call a matrix because we have items here on the side items on top and you see these are the routines at school free time independent work etc and in each of those boxes their defining so to be responsible when you're going to recess and specials you turn in your finished work and grab your jacket and snack for recessed so that's how we started Define two young people what we expect and I wanted to show this example because you can use photos so if your children have some comprehension challenges their Camp if they're not reading yet how long are reading is a vs2 them you can take photos of them doing the things you want them to do and then you can put their photos in your Matrix you can also get pictures and icons on like the way this one is and again there is more information for you on this year at this link below so when you're thinking right now. Creating your own routine Matrix and see you're thinking all right well we have all these problems home during these routines and what are we typically done about it and there's a very good chance that if you're like most parents you earnestly try to fix it you maybe nag and Ramon find and prompts the young people to do with the way you want maybe then if they still don't you go to maybe giving some mild punishment or Consequences are sometimes like Marth more families play to threaten the consequence and actually give it and ultimately you know there tend to be a lot of stress that can get very frustrating so this is a slightly different way to tackle the same problem you would sit down with child or children and you could do this together and say okay these are the routine that you struggle the most with and maybe just choose one two or three and as a family what do we all want what would make you feel the best here at home you could ask your children if their classrooms or if their school already has a type of Mantra if they already have something like be responsible be respectful be safe and I think your school district is working on something while related to pause livity and Jasmine don't hesitate to share anything in the chat box or anyone else with this route if you'd like are there some overarching themes that most classrooms are most schools talk about and if so you might want to line your home with the same that's cool and that just makes it easier on your children to you know I'll be safe is be safe it looks a little different home in school but they get the idea of being safe so you can talk to your child and your and your whole family what do we care the most about in this household what's our Mantra what do we care about and so you might come up with these kinds of be safe respectful responsible and then you could as a family started to find what you all expect of each other during these times this. Of time and you might find that you're at your children could do you know could be very actively part of this because they might be able to give you some things that they expect to so they might say you know I need you to wake me up early I don't want to wake up and jump right out of bed can I get you know 30 minutes and then can you tell me I have 15 more minutes and then the third time I wake up or you might have a young purses I need an alarm clock I want to set my own alarm clock for when I need to wake up or I'm going to do everything at night and take out my clothes and I know it. Should have like even their toothbrush ready in the morning with the toothpaste on it and so they say I want to sleep every minute I can and I just want to wake up at the very last minute and then I'll how often do I need to having a dialogue about that and then being very clear about what's expected can help to remove some of that nagging and arguing that might happen until I would I would have you consider even putting things what to do when you're upset because every household you're there X everyone's going to get mad they're going to get sad they're going to get angry and down so what do we expect of our young people when they are mad and so what so hey is it okay to get up and leave the room is it okay to yell or not is it okay to ask for a break so you know humans have emotions so think throwing a what is accepted angry with unacceptable angry and it will be such a huge lesson to help your young people with them to take him to their adulthood because a lot of adults don't know how to get appropriately angry they hold it in Holden and hold it in and then it blows out but when it be great if we could teach what to do when you're when you're mad or unhappy right alright so here's an example of the kind of chart you might start to make and so thank you Jackie for sharing I thank you Jasmine severally check out the check box if you haven't seen it there doing something called the positivity project and every week There's a character trait I'm so right now I'm learning about forgiveness so if not quite the same thing that would go under this these columns under expectation but those character traits are things that you could put in your home nature so you can embed forgiveness into into those other areas right and not really ghosts like when someone's mad if your sibling gets mad at you or you get mad at your sibling how can you restore that relationship and in practice forgiveness some families on here you might want to ask the school for a list if you haven't already gotten it or I bet you could probably go to the website with the list of character traits and could you embed those into your home Matrix some and that way your young people are hearing about these character traits at home and at school and of course that's going to make it more likely that it strengthened so I'll because he's sessions are short and overwhelmed and take up too much time with sharing the reefs behind me thing but if you check out that link I shared from The Association of Positive Behavior Support you'll find that even though this might seem so simple what we shared so far there is behavioral science behind this so it turns out that just by clarifying what we explicitly expect in various times of day in routines and calmly talking about that with our young people not in the moment not when they're supposed to begin ready for bed but you know after dinner maybe you have a dessert together and you have a calm nice meeting and you talk about I don't want to get angry at you before bed I don't want us to fight in the morning how can we make this time rrj better and making a home routine Matrix can go a really far along way so here are a couple things for you to reflect on and you could wear these items purchase could come back a different way so I'm going to say them differently than their worded so it's like you know when have you discussed or created expectations as a family interview think about that man were having problems at home you know homework time but when did we ever sit down as a family and agree like we're home work would be done if the TV can or can't be on how much space the kids need between them when they do their homework if they prefer music on during homework or not how much time they'll be working on homework and then what kind of brakes are allowed to take you know so sometimes we have the challenges but with reflect back and going to call we never really discussed it and created things together are they posted anywhere so could you actually put on the refrigerator or near the homework space or on the bedroom door these reminders at bedtime or in the morning or on the bathroom door and you don't have have those things up forever you can but we find is that they need to be around in the beginning when learning is first taking place and I say learning because we want our young people actually learn these routines and do them fluid and if you have to Neil nag or remind the children often then that means that they haven't learned those routines right they've been told about the routines but they haven't learned internalize them so we do want to actually teach the routines one actually teach what to do and so this you know is especially for our young people with special needs you know you have children who have some identified Behavioral or attentions kinds of challenges if you have children with learning challenges what really for all young people and all ages album one actually explicitly teach and so we're going to this more in our third webinar but I want you to start thinking of the difference between telling someone something and teaching them so think of how you taught your children so many other things already you've taught them I had to use utensils you taught them how to use the toilet you taught them to ride a bike you know what the how are those times different than telling am I gay I said you might start thinking of things like well it took a long time I couldn't just tell them ones how to ride a bike I said all the details many many times and I went out there with them and I modeled for them how to do I showed them and then I supported the bike while they practiced right to you think of your your teenagers who are struggling with you no getting up and out of the house in the morning on time and especially now that life is been so different when we go back to being in person in school with my Hawaii young people struggling you know imagine going to the room with them and say okay so show me you know here's the expectation pick out your clothes that you want to wear tomorrow now and I'm just going to hang here while you do you can put music on you know what do you want to do go ahead pick out your clothes and that means all of it the top the bottoms and you layers make sure you have underwear socks whatever you need and where should you put these things so they're in a safe place so in the morning you have them or is there anything else you could do tonight to save yourself time tomorrow so just talking it through and eventually you wouldn't be in their room doing it with them but this is how you start to teach versus tell and then the adults in the household who ever lived together you want to make sure that all the adults are okay with this plan and are on the same page because it's hard if one adult has different expectations at morning than the other one that's okay if some of the things are different but the rules shouldn't change too much to everyone just sort of a gray what are the rules getting ready in the morning pregnant art and then the last part I want you to reflect on how have you been rewarding or reinforcing your young people when they do it well and it's it's okay if you think well I haven't been cuz I should I have to write they should do their homework they know they need to etcetera and so the the kind of what Behavioral Science would say about that is if it didn't need to be reinforced it wouldn't be a problem so if young people are doing it you don't have to reinforce that cuz they're doing it all the time and it's fine if they're not doing it then you might feel you need to reinforce then doing it for a. Of time and then you can stop reinforcing it so everything to know sometimes we don't mean to do this but we give more attention to problems then to positive and so you might notice when morning routine goes well you might not even comment on it you know that your child stop to get ready there on time and you say good morning and have a nice day but you never you might not say thank you for getting ready on your own and on time that's awesome but when it doesn't go well we're probably more like way to complain about it right into the nag them over or say something to him who just want to make sure that we are giving more attention to what we want then to what we don't want and this is something we all struggle with it you know in general humans kind of struggle we tend to give attention to negative more than two positive so you can go further than that you can have positive reinforcement systems but even if it's just verbally acknowledging thank you for doing that I appreciate it you made my day and then sometimes with my son what I'll do is I'll try to connect it later so in that example I might then in the evening say hey you want to go for a walk after dinner I have energy because this morning made you made things better for me this morning and so I'm still in a good mood and I have energy now I do want to go play in the backyard I'm in a good mood because I didn't have to nag you about homework I so appreciate you doing your homework now I have more energy to play so you want them to see the sort of cause-and-effect so doesn't have to be like you no physical rewards although it can be and I can just be commenting positively, and then maybe rewarding through Play Time etcetera Minato down here there's a link for you from parenting special needs it's a free online magazine they have a lot of very short quick easy articles and stuff when I put here you can connect with its related add to this idea of routines and then similarly when you have this PowerPoint and thank you Jasmine and the kid in the chat box we will give you the Powerpoint and the recording and so if you happen to work with other family members yourself you're welcome to present this on your own and share in any way you'd like and you know you can even share this with your children with your with your spouse and other family members but you can actually click here and these two blue areas and I'll give you some videos around with called practice routine so many heinemann who is sort of a mentor to me who's done groundbreaking work around positive behavior support for decades has made these little he owes some of them are from or younger children but even if you have older children I think it might not hurt to watch because I can't rooms look a little different based on age but they have a lot in common so a teenager answer I can look kind of similar to a little person's tantrum and the strategies that you would use are very similar across those ages so I'm going to pause for a moment as the person said in the chat it's good to get these little breaks hemming talking for a little while so feel free to share anything you're thinking or feeling they stumbled talk back so far we have a few minutes left in this one hour and feel free to share any questions or comments based on what I've shared so far and please know we're going to go more explicitly into some of these strategies and webinar number three so this idea of telling vs. teaching we're going to go in satmar and this idea of reinforcing the behavior we want we're going to go into that more but you'll be well prepared for webinar 3 if you can keep the on this a little bit right now maybe even start your home Matrix what are the routines I want to improve with kind of like the Monster High theme or expectations we really care about at home try to get a family meeting to define those things and if you are okay with it young people respond really well when it's not just about them but if you allow them to indicate things they expect of you also and so sometimes it's like I don't want you going into my room and you might say I don't want to go in your room either as long as you don't have food in there and you keep it clean I won't go in your room so you can make that rule that you keep your room clean and this is what we buy cleaned have to be perfect but it means no food and means you vacuum the floor once a week and then I won't go in and so you can get a lot of buying from your young people if you make it sort of a democratic process all right so the the thank you is a blue moon you might know that on October 31st there is What's called the Blue Moon which will most likely not look blue but there are X word that has happened but it is the second full moon this month and so I'm on Halloween have a blue moon thank you guys for connecting in the chat box I appreciate the I know the links I'm sorry we can put the links into the chat box but you will have those all as soon as the sessions over I'll get the PowerPoint to Jasmine and then she can get it out to you all as soon as possible so awesome and thanks for the feedback about the cause and effect with reinforcements I think it's just so easy to overlook that right and I when my son I'm I try to get him to engage with Abby and aesthetic it's a kind of a man it's like to be someone else and so I often try to bring his attention to that you know I'm tired cuz I worked hard today I have to work so we can have money so we can buy the things we want and we went to appreciate our good because I had to work so we can buy the food so we should appreciate the food so I think it just doesn't hurt to have to help people kind of be cognizant so thank you for the feedback I wanted to give you a quick idea for self-care I think it's a hard year to be a parent so thank you all for everything you're doing to try to stay well and try to keep your family as well it's a really hard. be a parent and a teacher we should have like an award show for people who are trying to do both of those things so here's what I'd like you to consider doing if you have an a fresh piece of paper on the back of the room I just looking at try to think back to the first webinar Tuesday and I asked folks think about what makes you feel recharged and so recharged can be rested or energetic so for Sometimes some people like to get recharged you know you just want to like take a nap or close your eyes cuz you just want to feel relaxed and calm are you do deep breathing for relaxing come sometimes you want to get dinner because we're so tired we still have so much to do so I could cook dinner and everything else and so sometimes I need to know I'm kind of tired I might lift a few small weights and then I noticed kind of gives me energy even though I'm tired I don't push myself too hard but just doing like a couple of dumbbells might give me energy so what are the things that make you feel recharged and then think of a typical day in your home when could you pause Sibley what are the easiest times to build in some recharging moments for you now please know that I know it's easy to think no time there is a 0 time I have no time for myself and I think that's how many of us. so I'm going to ask you to try to go over that hurdle and keep being as creative as possible so for example could it be while your children or successfully engaging and something independent so maybe after you help to improve one or two of these routines your reward for the work you do to improve these routines is getting a couple minutes for yourself to recharge or do whatever you need so I give your children are independent getting ready raining maybe that means you can exercise for five minutes before you take a shower and that's 5 minutes you didn't have before because you were trying to help them maybe before dinner instead of fighting around homework you can sit in AR do deep breathing or listen to some of your favorite music and you don't do whatever so maybe once your children have some as routines on you'll get some moment but maybe there are also times that are already pretty smooth near when are the Yankees independently engage could it be then the second thing I'd like you to think about it could be while your children are being rewarded for doing something successful so for example if you said to your your child if you get your homework done on time by a certain time you can have 15 minutes of screen time before dinner and I'm not recommending that it's an example so you might say hey did you get your homework done give him some motivation 15 minutes of Music time or on your instruments or screen time it said her before dinner maybe in those 15 minutes I've is the time you can call a girlfriend or you can take a quick walk in the neighborhood right so so that might be a time that you could find to do these things that make you feel better I'm or it could it be something you do together and so when we first went to quarantine and the world seem so different my son and I I wasn't someone who ever did yoga and I have friends who do so I have to let's try it so I put on some children videos for yoga and my son and I start doing yoga together and so you'd only be gay and he wasn't that wild about it but he actually came to like it so yoga was good for me to get me stretching and get me energized and feeling better and yeah it was good for him cuz I said he needs to stretch as well exercise is good and healthy and we try to make it fun and playful we would joke around together so it ended up being quality time we did together but it was also a way for me to recharge and it became a new routine side have him get the math and unroll the match I got the video up and we would always start at the same do the lesson and then ended the same and then we drink water after and so it became this whole new healthy routine time for us I do want to know we're not doing that anymore and we just both faded away from it but it served us really well when we first when the quarantine for probably about for four to six weeks and we may come back to that routine at some point and get in the future so the idea is think of what makes you feel better and we need it we need our energy we need our calmness I think of that list of things that you could do maybe put them in order from you know the the easiest to the most challenging you know what are the fat things would have a longer things what can you do in if you're home alone with the children what can't you do you might not be able to leave the house and go for a walk if you're home alone so what are the things that are possible to do one of the easier things to pull off and then try to let yourself be a little creative and thinking when could I possibly fit those things in and see what I hope this last point I hope with it it did for you is you're thinking hey I can grab these routines and I can get some improvement out of them right eye without changing a whole lot of other things in our life I can be clear about what we expect as parents we can teach it to our young people we can reinforce them when they do it the right way and I can get a reward as well because I need my energy in my strength to be able to keep doing all that you're doing so thank you so much for sharing in a chat box I'm just going to Pecan it real quick great minder's especially as we navigate through new routines totally agree thank you for sharing I can see a model I can see I'm Model A lot of behavior is I seen my son specifically send many of us procrastinate. I say not as I do it's we're all guilty of that so the thing about procrastination is that you movie with has not fix it is nagging or threatening right and that's even went out with ourselves if we try to threaten ourselves into doing it and there's some argument to be said that some and you can you can look at more brain science Google this the art of procrastination or Google on the reasons why we procrastinate and sometimes it's not ready like I joke I used to worry that I procrastinate when time to work like trading a PowerPoint like this and then I realize sometimes if I let myself go for a walk and I come back the ideas are coming and you know it's almost like they had to cook a little longer a kind of joking or so if you're having a really set time for example with homework or school work with your children you could try and this is a little risky but you could try to see the different time of day that's better for them to do their school work you could also try to see if there's thing that they should do before ordering the homework so having them run around in the backyard for 15 minutes first you know sometimes we stay like have a snack and then do your work snack may or may not be helpful cuz it actually make them more tired and actually brings you your blood flow to your stomach instead of your brain so you know it's there a little hungry you can do protein snacks nuts that are if you can if your children but you might find that having them do some activity before doing their work might be better or interrupting them and giving them breaks how you been working 20 minutes let's do some jumping jacks been working 20 minutes let's do you want a quick snack break so just don't hesitate to kind of play around with is the time of day the right time for the for the what is were asking them to do cuz everyone has their own biological clock in that way and are there some ways to build in brakes other ways to build a movement that would maybe help those creative juices start to flow and then of course you know reinforcements doesn't hurt either so thank you for sharing in the chat box I really appreciate it yeah we all you know these are stressful times and so many ways and so and stress is not a friend to your physical body not to your brain stress is very wearing on on the whole system the whole human system so anything we can do to kind of get rid of some of that and that might be through movement or exercise they might be through calmness and sitting and breathing it might be through prayer it might be through having fun and playing and you know I'll talk about taking tickle breaks doing hug breaks anything that kind of gets The Happy The Happy chemicals going on for your children before yourself I'm in boy is today so much better when you can go to bed at night and you feel like I didn't yell at my child at all this whole day this is wonderful right cuz many of us then carry some guilt about that so I hope this was helpful identifying routines clarifying what you want and it's going to teach and reinforce those routine so everyone can have a better quality of life thank you so much for sharing in the chat box or we are just about at our time so if you have other comments or questions for me please don't hesitate to share them in the chat box and just like before the next steps are just maybe work on the things we talked about so keep reflecting on those your team need to keep working on that Matrix and can they're bringing it with you to our next meeting and please know on Tuesday would you have one more session around on minimizing challenging behavior and I hope it feels like it's the next step from today find routines is part of helping with challenging Behavior but we can go even further thank you so much Kim for your time I know that my happy chemicals are flowing now so I just really appreciate you and all that you've taught us wanted to say to our families again thank you so much for being here we really are Partners in this we love your children we want them to be successful we know you do to our counselors are actually on this call they were on the call last week as well and they are available. reach out if you have any additional questions or just need to talk to somebody or just get advice or whatever it is that you think your child would need they have their here they're willing to help so just reach out to them I believe there's a link in your child canvas made the counseling corner and you can access them through that or you can always contact your school site administrator or my cell so I just wanted to point that out and like Kim said all of these resources including the slideshow and the video will be posted last week's is already on the District website so please go on and see if you missed it and next week's will be as well so thank you so much for being here and please reach out if you need anything at all I'm in Kim again thank you so much for all the great reminders and connections and applications is very very helpful thank you thank you everyone thank you

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